5 Friends You Don't Need...

CNN's Judy McGuire wrote an article entitled "5 Friends You Don't Need in Your Life" and it hit home to me especially in these last few months where I have been (kindly) editing my list of friends. The excerpt below describes the typical prototypes one should avoid. To read the entire article, visit http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/10/24/tf.five.friends/index.html.

"Drama Queen
The Drama Queen isn't happy (and "happy" is a relative term here) unless she's freaking out. Little things us boring normals would shrug off -- like a missed bus or parking ticket -- become monumental shriekfests. She doesn't get the flu, she gets oh-my-god-I-think-it's-cancer! Everything is a crisis, and she demands constant handholding and attention.

Nurse Betty
There is nothing that makes this one as happy as a friend in need. This may seem like a good quality (and often is -- for a while), but once you've got your butt back in gear, she either loses interest or, worse, reminds you constantly of how bad things once were, in the hopes that you'll fall back into feeling like crap so she can "save" you again.

The Lady-Hater
"I don't have female friends because all the women I meet are jealous of me." Yes, someone actually said this to me. Instead, this person prefers her friends to be of the male variety -- ideally hopelessly in love with her and willing to do her bidding.

The Critic
Also known as the frenemy, the critic is chockfull of helpful suggestions. For instance, you know your favorite dress? Well, it makes you look kind of fat. No offense. Speaking of which -- have you gained a little weight? Or are you pregnant? Are you sure? Well, never mind, you can have some of her old "fat" clothes since she has no use for them anymore.

The Leg Humper
Do you know what it's like to walk into a bar and find one of your closest friends making out with the guy you've had a crush on for an entire year? I do! Granted, that's nowhere near as bad as my friend Melissa who discovered her husband was schtupping her BFF, but still. It stung. And sure, nobody forced Melissa's husband to be a cheating jerk, but a good girlfriend never would've gone there with him.
You'll know when you're in the presence of one of these bottom-feeders by the way you become invisible the second there's a guy in the vicinity."